An abortion experienced told through the eyes of a Mother, a Grandmother.
It was a pleasant summer afternoon when David, our 21-year-old son arrived and told us that, during the morning, his girlfriend of three years had just had an abortion. I felt an immediate sense of loss – they’d killed my grandchild! I already had five grandchildren and loved each of them dearly, they seemed part of me. My husband was equally shocked, “Why?” he asked. “Well,” said David hesitantly said, “we’re both studying, we have no money and…” “But we would have helped” I said, but it was too late. Jane’s divorced parents both in second relationships and her GP had persuaded her that it was for the best.
I felt sad for days, amazingly sad as I had never seen or known the child. However, this was nothing to what Jane felt. The minute the pregnancy was terminated she regretted it. She became depressed, unable to cope with her studies, kept losing her temper and then unable to bear the regret, she tried to take her own life. David found her and rushed her to hospital where her stomach was pumped out, a very painful procedure, apparently to discourage her from a repeat performance. We all visited her and loved her, but she became more and more irrational and was referred to a psychiatrist and given anti-depressants. This all put a huge strain on her relationship with David especially as she kept phoning him as often as ten minutes during a day and night screaming at him and threatening to take her life. A distraught David drove over every evening to see her and then hid outside her unit until he was sure she had gone to bed and not harmed herself. The psychiatrist, realising David was almost at breaking point suggested that he go away for a week. I think that it was during this time that he realised that their relationship was not working but, fearing for Jane’s life, he decided to stick by her until she was fully recovered.
His studies suffered as he gave Jane more and more time supporting her and comforting her. She insisted on staying one night and although contraceptives were used, Jane again became pregnant. She made sure the methods used would be useless. Nine months later, David and Jane were living together, and Max was born – a beautiful baby to make up for the one lost maybe. Sadly, although both were devoted parents, they couldn’t stop arguing and tearing each other apart and one day when Max was 18 months old David was studying at Uni, she walked out taking Max with her.
David was heartbroken and desperately missed his son. Yes, Jane has allowed David lots of access but frequently uses this as a weapon. She now lives with another man and has another son but is still angry.
It was during Janes breakdown following the abortion, that my youngest daughter, Kate that she too had an abortion several years earlier. She wasn’t married to her husband at the time and they both wanted to travel, then get married and pay off a house before having a family. Kate told me all this as she was recovering from post-natal depression which was certainly made worse by the feelings of guilt that had now surfaced following the birth of her daughter. “It wasn’t until I help Jolly in my arms” she said, “that I realised the enormity of what I had done – we had killed someone as sweet and perfect as Holly; at the time it was nothing, but now I know what I did.”
